Seasonal Affair

Nobody understood, nobody ever wanted to stay. Everyone ran and hid away – never attempted to abide me in their head.
Handful lies has been told, and most times, listening to them was easier.

It wouldn’t get through me, I uttered. You wouldn’t cross the line, I thought.
For countless chances, I wanted to explore the complexity of your mind. Once, I tried wandering your internal rips, wished to fill your internal holes. Unraveling you was the only thought I had, when I couldn’t even unravel my own.

I never knew what we actually were, and I was terrified you’d be the new reason I’ll listen to Blues whenever it’s 10:00 PM again.
Your palm would always wrap my hand, brushing the cold away through those warm fingertips. I might rue later for it was detrimental, but I’d keep on witnessing the veins inside your skin. I wanted to trace them. I was always tempted to wear you like a sweater to provide me warmth, despite knowing you have Ruins within. We both did.

I’ve never gotten any flower, for everytime, you bring me to your Garden.
We spent our weekends talking about future. I told you countless times that I don’t wanna think about the future anymore. Sometimes, the moment you expect you’re moving forward, you’re actually moving backwards.
I didn’t wanna think about future because the present was all we had, the present moments were the only ones guaranteed.
Because the more I know, the less I feel existent for what I currently hold. The transcendence to think about future scared me. I told you countless times I don’t wanna think about it anymore, for I know, what I currently have has it’s built-in limitation – all will come to an end.

I couldn’t be sure with tomorrow, but somehow we made it. I couldn’t be sure with the following weeks, somehow you were still there for me. I couldn’t be sure with the next month, somehow, we were still able to talk and clear what’s disheveled.
I hated to imagine you bringing someone else home, and think of me in the verge of losing myself repetitively.

Through summers, we worn out. Petals succumbed, the leaves withered, as thorns evolved rigidly piercing in me.
Humid ether seeped through my sunburned veneer.

We used to picture the same good kind of life –
Living in seclusion, away from the crowd, far from city noises.
Coffee on a balcony at 6:00 AM. Making memories every morning, staring into a big garden.
You chose your fate, I chose mine.
You choose to have family, I choose to be alone.
It could’ve been us together; only if you actually saw me in your head as part of your plans, but you didn’t. It couldn’t be.

I still wish you a good life. No matter what persist, you will have someone to walk back to. Even if you refuse, even if you fear telling me about your hurt.

I’ll watch you walk away, and I’ll just watch us in old pictures I stored when you were still around holding me.

The Lake of Thousand Poems I Wrote You

Every beat is a defiance to temptation of soaking in,
Every second is a go-signal to wash the weight down.
For once, I thought the fate was conspiring with me.
For once, it did.
Till it ceased for my decease –
Conniving with the world, vanishing everyone till I fathom staying no more.

Waters run placid,
And I delight shaking it’s stillness.
No creature left digging peace.
Whatever comes close to my skin,
Sure perish.

“The world breaks everyone…”, Ernest wrote.
And what about when the world keeps it’s eyes on you?
No more metaphor left to keep chasing what’s lost.
Presence of your absence is the juxtaposition of demise.
And in this lake is an eternal scene –

A poet breathlessly sinking, searching sane.

Your Scent

I bought a gift for your birthday, but never bother sending it.
I greeted you late expecting a response, but didn’t.

It’s been a long day. I expected you to be home as soon as I open the door and made a creaking sound.
You’re not around, no silhouette, nobody standing. Nothing at my things were moved. Furnitures are stationed from where they were.
I’ve treat myself to our preferred coffee shop, hoping by chance I’d see you there ordering your favourite.
I drove around the old exhausted town, hoping by chance I might see you riding your bike on the side of street.

You never bothered calling and it’s yet months since we are apart. I wish I could actually talk to you and not only listen to your playlists for me to know how you feel.
I wish you realize that I still occasionally wonder if you care, if you ever come to think of visiting and coming back.

It’s been months since I last opened the window of our back-then room, because everything that is there used to smell like you – the bedsheet, the pillowcase, the curtains – I wanted to contain the air because it’s the only part of you left for me.

This house was once a home. We’d always fill it with laughters, play albums till 2:00 AM, paint the wall whatever color we like, and just enjoy the serene seclusion we had.
Those moments are over now, and this house turned into a labyrinth I can’t fix.

I miss everything, and one of my dreams now is to hear a knock on my front door and shatter the silence of this twisted harbor. One of my dreams now is to see you in front of me, begging for forgiveness cause you hang me waiting without a clue.
I miss everything, but little do I have an idea where you decided to run when you chose to leave and hide away.

One time, you told me we are the characters of our story, you never warned me you’ll disappear. Perhaps, you chose to be my chapter. Or perhaps, it’s the other way around. I guess, you wanted to design and turn me into a footnote meant to be forgotten along your pages.

I miss you, and I want to sniff every part of you left.
I walk in and enter the room, caress the dust off the sheet with my shivering hand.
I know that waiting isn’t the best option.
I’ve been blaming myself, and it has to be over. Tonight, I’ll make the wisest decision my mind is lured in.

I walk closely to the window, unlock them; liberate the old air and replace it.
I am certain I will regret this later, but you’ve been gone for so long.
Let me just let you go, and start over for my own.

Tips for a Mindful Social Media Experience

Social Media has really became our modern day Diary. We began to put everything there, share our life experiences and thoughts with people we might know personally or not.
It has became a huge part of our living process. In terms of communicating, or gaining information about what’s happening around.

Social media is also a great opportunity as we build ourselves more. It can either give us positive, negative, or moderated impact.

It is indeed addictive for some people, to some it’s not, or even boring.
In this blog post, I’ll be sharing the strategies I do to get a mindful Social Media Experience.

• Know why you want to use social media before anything.

– with the abundace of socmed, we already forget the main step before creating accounts. Knowing your purpose of creating an account might sound irrelevant, but it’s actually relevant. With this, you set ideas, or plans of what you want to share (like niche). That will result to an organized and healthy timeline.

• Set a schedule

– Setting a schedule will result to the best usage experience. You don’t have to be active 24/7. Exposing yourself in social media can be mentally draining, it can affect your proper routine. Make sure to find balance.

• Follow Positive People

– I think, I already mentioned this. But this is just really important. What you read, or see, affects your overall well-being. So it’s better to be picky with who you follow online.

• Use Your Social Media to share positivity and promote your advocacies (if you have)

– Sharing positivity will make people love your account. And trust me, it will help you grow as well. When we Encourage negativity, they come to us even more, they make rooms inside our head. But if you begin looking at the bright side of things, you’ll also begin to find that peace despite of whatever it is you’re going through.
– Using your socmed accounts to promote your advocacies is the number one step to have that purposive online experience.

• Consider transforming your social media accounts into a platform where you share your talent and creativity.

– This is the best thing I love about socmed, it enables us to share our potential publicly. We find audience, we get appreciated, and we become more and more confident about what we do. So why not?

What’s your favorite social media platform? Do you set schedule when to go online and offline? Do you find social media positively or not?

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Wilted Rose Garden and it’s Idyll

The more I run away, the more I am pulled back in the labyrinth I am trying to abscond from.
Puzzles gradually turn into pretentious harbor full of faded moments we’ve had. Illusions of real blissful times never fail to lure me till I come over sucked.

The skin you used to touch is now a deranged organ covering my bones becoming fragile as I dare to mend.

Time future won’t contain you anymore. All I presently hold are the pieces of our past.
Every passage I decide to take leads there, and unknowingly, I find solace in misery.
Everytime I craft stitches to ease my brokenness, they disintegrate.
Hope is ever-dwindling, and this dark paradise I found when you left, oddly feels like home.

Every passage I decide to wander leads me there – in this nothingness where I bathe my presence – in this Wilted Rose Garden designed for my existence.