Why I had to Start Over

To say that a lot has gone going on in my head last month, would be a conventional thing to say.
I’m yet in college and due to the pandemic, the learning set up has been altered. The educational style has affected my routine big time – late nights, wrong sleeping pattern, shifts on my productivity.

I felt all over the place, and all the things I’ve always loved doing were set aside without me wanting to set them aside. Well, I had to know my priorities.
Everything felt like Work in Progress again, but I could not feel any progress.

A lot of you probably know how bad I love getting organised. So as soon as the school year ended, I fixed everything and worked on some plans including my sideline job as well as social media life, and real life too.
I organized my room, arranged my things. I bought journal, and promised myself to get back to the things I was so focused on back then.
I definitely missed the phase of my life when I had total control of everything, so I decided to regain that capability to be in control again.

I re-calibrated so much, and it has been one of the methods I was so used doing whenever things don’t feel right.
I left my old socials, keep records of To-dos in my phone’s note, began another with the vision of becoming happy and thrilled to get into them again.
I also thought of deleting this blog as I began another. But then came to me, that I’ve put out lots of content already, and this website is up on the internet for more than two years now.
I don’t wanna lose it, because this blog already has a place in my heart. So instead, there I am gathering my baggage altogether, but leaving this one open in the Cyberspace.

This will be my last blog post, too.
Either, you can read my old content or meet me @ Books & Instagram.
I’d love to have you there another time. ♡

Sweater Weather


There I go another time with the only person holding countless reasons to stay. There I go again setting a rendezvous with myself, telling me to be at the same place where I waited last year.
There I go again anticipating for no one as another daylight dies.

How could you just dare come and destruct something beautiful?
How could you just cut the dreams I would’ve been reaching by now?

Walls don’t talk but they provide me sanctuary, offering relief to consume as I lay with murky vision.
Walls don’t talk, but all these silly people are deafening enough. I conspire with my imageries, and I still include you in them. I picture that moment when all my focus was on you crossing the pedestrian, coming closer to me. Not a part of myself knows if you noticed how I tried to hold my cool, but the remorse within is dedicated for all the chances I never took – the distance between us I didn’t shorten, the longer talks we could’ve make; your voice was something.

I thought it would be you, so how could you just walk in and provide me false hopes?
Little do you know, I held hard to them.
“Nothing’s wrong when nothing’s true”, but why do I wish to go back?
Why am I lured and haunted by kaleidoscope disparaging how I feel?

More than missed chances, the remorse within is dedicated to when I mistook your motives as a sign of wanting me around.


Countryside (Memories) || Song Composition


*
Cold Mornings and Warm Coffee,
Conversations in the Balcony.
My fingers into your Hair,
Your arms around me.

And it was only the beginning,
Scene I’ve always been daydreaming.
Waking up has always been like this,
And I’m sure I’m gonna miss
when it’s over.

*
Gloomy days and gentle rain,
Fogged-up windows and the stains.
Quiet drumbeats in our chests,
And I know I’m gonna miss when
We’re gone.

I wish we could stay,
I wish you could stay.

*
You are the good times I’ve ever had,
Close our eyes and take the moments.
Season of something temporary.
Instilled chapters in our memory.
And I just love the way you hold me,
The way you speak, and look to me.

It’s our season,
It’s everything.
(…)
But I know it has an ending.

*
Sunset and the weather,
Bike ride in the afternoon.
Voices and endless laughters,
Wind gushing to your hair.

Now it’s been months since you’re away,
I listen to our favorite songs alone.
I want your eyes,
I want your fine lips.
But I guess, it’s all finished.

*
You are the good times I’ve ever had,
Close our eyes and take the moments.
Seasons of something temporary,
Instilled chapters in our memory.
And I just love the way you hold me,
The way you speak, and look to me.

It’s our season,
It’s everything
(…)
But I knew I had to let you go
And now we stand in the ending.

*
Days were good when I had you,
Days were worst when I lost you too.
Missin’ whispers in my ears,
Months turning into years.

Cause I remember us dancin’ in circles.
Our playlist on the stereo.
Shorter days, longer nights.
I wish you could still hold me tight.

*
You are the good times I’ve ever had,
Close our eyes and take the moments.
Seasons of something temporary,
Instilled chapters in our memory.
And I just love the way you hold me,
The way you speak, and look to me.

It’s our season,
It’s everything
(…)
But I knew I had to let you go
And now we stand in the ending.


I’m alive.


Hi people of the blogosphere.
Arghh, it’s been a long time again since I made an update.
Anyway, I’m still alive ha-ha. And now y’all know I wasn’t lying when I said I’m not giving up blogging.

Omg. I missed this. Like genuinely.

Lately, I’m quite overwhelmed with school tasks but I always do my best and hardest to overcome everything and find balance. Because balance is so important, is it not?
I feel terrible over the truth that I’ve been constantly thinking of starting over again. But I’m always contrasted by another fact that it’ll be a difficult and tedious thing to do.

Everytime, I swipe my blog content and realize that it doesn’t anymore radiate the energy I’ve always envisioned in the beginning, I just feel a little sad but I know it’s my fault though. Funny.
But okay, I think I just have to be more active in it again and publish works which I truly love.

Also, I made purchases of products I love for myself – of course. Nothing, I just feel happy that I still remember to not be greedy and gift myself with what I deserve. Not gonna lie. But I am sort of careful with how I spend too, I don’t waste penny for something which will be useless weeks after it arrive.

In terms of my love for reading, I’ve downloaded lot of PDFs of Novels and poems and even idioms and tongue twisters (honestly, I look forward to download more). However, finding time to get to read them is quite frustrating. Hay, how I wish I am able to properly divide my day-to-day routine lol.
It’s just that, I want to meet more authors and deeply dive into the riches of literature.

Okay, let me scream – ahhhhhh!
Lana Del Rey just dropped her New album “Chemtrails over the country club” and you know, it’s the kind of album I’m needing at this rate and time of the world.
Norman Fucking Rockwell! Was such a real good masterpiece. I am so happy that I lend a time to get into her music ’cause if I didn’t, I would’ve been missing something so good by now.

I am thrilled because I love music, and more and more amazing artists are just dropping magnum opus after magnum opus.

Allow me to be a little raw and open in this section of blog post: Lately, I’m so contemplating about my life. I mean, I’m so hopeful but you know, fully concealing the worries isn’t as easy as it is said. Well, I too am too aware that God is with me, so I just hope that wherever life leads me, I’ll be real blissful and contented.

I’m 18 and soon I’ll be 19. Life run’s swiftly now, huh?

So that is it. I hope you guys are having good times, staying sane, and remaining safe.

Y’all are doing great, huns. x.

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