The other day, I was back online and I promised myself to post writing on my blog because I said before my hiatus, that will be the thing I’m going to do once I’m back but I first procrastinate everything and leave them for the following day.
But last night, when I was too tired after the party from school, I decided to read some chapters from the book I availed. I felt like my eyes isn’t working properly and I need to take sleep for at least half an hour and so I did. When I woke up, I heard Momma telling us to eat dinner so as she said, I prepared my food and so my cup of coffee. After I ate, I went to my bed like what I always do, and when I already set myself to start deciding what to post on my blog, I felt something in me that I couldn’t understand. There’s something that keeps my from telling myself that my words are too lame and stupid, I can feel it. I mean, I already have the writings on my note but I can’t just type and post any of them, there’s something in me that needs to be filled. I know I can’t write right now and even if I want to start another writer’s block, I also can’t. I don’t want this thing in me to affect any other things I do.
I first hang on Twitter and burst Everything out, I rant, said a lot of shits, and I was just really emotional. In spite of the truth, I could talk and interact to people especially my commentators from this page but I feel like I’m a bit fake when I was doing that. I was happy online but in reality, I’m not. Really not.
I’m anxious, I’m experiencing clouds of different emotions. The heartbreak, the feeling like I can’t trust anyone even my closest friends, and the fact that I can’t suddenly do the things I believe I’m good at. As of now, I decided to add more sleep, that means I need to sleep early Especially that this holiday break won’t be an actual break ’cause there’s this research paper plus book review I need to accomplish seriously.
I just need to rest and break for a while, I guess. Like what I always tell others when they are in the same state as mine. I’m just tired- physically and emotionally.
I already had Breakdown before and it’s a thing that might happen or might not happen.
But this time around, I won’t let it happen anymore. Sorry to tell and to fail y’all guys. I need time, I’m going to fix myself as soon as possible and this will not endure.