Sweater Weather


There I go another time with the only person holding countless reasons to stay. There I go again setting a rendezvous with myself, telling me to be at the same place where I waited last year.
There I go again anticipating for no one as another daylight dies.

How could you just dare come and destruct something beautiful?
How could you just cut the dreams I would’ve been reaching by now?

Walls don’t talk but they provide me sanctuary, offering relief to consume as I lay with murky vision.
Walls don’t talk, but all these silly people are deafening enough. I conspire with my imageries, and I still include you in them. I picture that moment when all my focus was on you crossing the pedestrian, coming closer to me. Not a part of myself knows if you noticed how I tried to hold my cool, but the remorse within is dedicated for all the chances I never took – the distance between us I didn’t shorten, the longer talks we could’ve make; your voice was something.

I thought it would be you, so how could you just walk in and provide me false hopes?
Little do you know, I held hard to them.
“Nothing’s wrong when nothing’s true”, but why do I wish to go back?
Why am I lured and haunted by kaleidoscope disparaging how I feel?

More than missed chances, the remorse within is dedicated to when I mistook your motives as a sign of wanting me around.


Countryside (Memories) || Song Composition


*
Cold Mornings and Warm Coffee,
Conversations in the Balcony.
My fingers into your Hair,
Your arms around me.

And it was only the beginning,
Scene I’ve always been daydreaming.
Waking up has always been like this,
And I’m sure I’m gonna miss
when it’s over.

*
Gloomy days and gentle rain,
Fogged-up windows and the stains.
Quiet drumbeats in our chests,
And I know I’m gonna miss when
We’re gone.

I wish we could stay,
I wish you could stay.

*
You are the good times I’ve ever had,
Close our eyes and take the moments.
Season of something temporary.
Instilled chapters in our memory.
And I just love the way you hold me,
The way you speak, and look to me.

It’s our season,
It’s everything.
(…)
But I know it has an ending.

*
Sunset and the weather,
Bike ride in the afternoon.
Voices and endless laughters,
Wind gushing to your hair.

Now it’s been months since you’re away,
I listen to our favorite songs alone.
I want your eyes,
I want your fine lips.
But I guess, it’s all finished.

*
You are the good times I’ve ever had,
Close our eyes and take the moments.
Seasons of something temporary,
Instilled chapters in our memory.
And I just love the way you hold me,
The way you speak, and look to me.

It’s our season,
It’s everything
(…)
But I knew I had to let you go
And now we stand in the ending.

*
Days were good when I had you,
Days were worst when I lost you too.
Missin’ whispers in my ears,
Months turning into years.

Cause I remember us dancin’ in circles.
Our playlist on the stereo.
Shorter days, longer nights.
I wish you could still hold me tight.

*
You are the good times I’ve ever had,
Close our eyes and take the moments.
Seasons of something temporary,
Instilled chapters in our memory.
And I just love the way you hold me,
The way you speak, and look to me.

It’s our season,
It’s everything
(…)
But I knew I had to let you go
And now we stand in the ending.


I’m alive.


Hi people of the blogosphere.
Arghh, it’s been a long time again since I made an update.
Anyway, I’m still alive ha-ha. And now y’all know I wasn’t lying when I said I’m not giving up blogging.

Omg. I missed this. Like genuinely.

Lately, I’m quite overwhelmed with school tasks but I always do my best and hardest to overcome everything and find balance. Because balance is so important, is it not?
I feel terrible over the truth that I’ve been constantly thinking of starting over again. But I’m always contrasted by another fact that it’ll be a difficult and tedious thing to do.

Everytime, I swipe my blog content and realize that it doesn’t anymore radiate the energy I’ve always envisioned in the beginning, I just feel a little sad but I know it’s my fault though. Funny.
But okay, I think I just have to be more active in it again and publish works which I truly love.

Also, I made purchases of products I love for myself – of course. Nothing, I just feel happy that I still remember to not be greedy and gift myself with what I deserve. Not gonna lie. But I am sort of careful with how I spend too, I don’t waste penny for something which will be useless weeks after it arrive.

In terms of my love for reading, I’ve downloaded lot of PDFs of Novels and poems and even idioms and tongue twisters (honestly, I look forward to download more). However, finding time to get to read them is quite frustrating. Hay, how I wish I am able to properly divide my day-to-day routine lol.
It’s just that, I want to meet more authors and deeply dive into the riches of literature.

Okay, let me scream – ahhhhhh!
Lana Del Rey just dropped her New album “Chemtrails over the country club” and you know, it’s the kind of album I’m needing at this rate and time of the world.
Norman Fucking Rockwell! Was such a real good masterpiece. I am so happy that I lend a time to get into her music ’cause if I didn’t, I would’ve been missing something so good by now.

I am thrilled because I love music, and more and more amazing artists are just dropping magnum opus after magnum opus.

Allow me to be a little raw and open in this section of blog post: Lately, I’m so contemplating about my life. I mean, I’m so hopeful but you know, fully concealing the worries isn’t as easy as it is said. Well, I too am too aware that God is with me, so I just hope that wherever life leads me, I’ll be real blissful and contented.

I’m 18 and soon I’ll be 19. Life run’s swiftly now, huh?

So that is it. I hope you guys are having good times, staying sane, and remaining safe.

Y’all are doing great, huns. x.

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Seasonal Affair


Nobody understood, nobody ever wanted to stay. Everyone ran and hid away – never attempted to abide me in their head.
Handful lies has been told, and most times, listening to them was easier.

It wouldn’t get through me, I uttered. You wouldn’t cross the line, I thought.
For countless chances, I wanted to explore the complexity of your mind. Once, I tried wandering your internal rips, wished to fill your internal holes. Unraveling you was the only thought I had, when I couldn’t even unravel my own.

I never knew what we actually were, and I was terrified you’d be the new reason I’ll listen to Blues whenever it’s 10:00 PM again.
Your palm would always wrap my hand, brushing the cold away through those warm fingertips. I might rue later for it was detrimental, but I’d keep on witnessing the veins inside your skin. I wanted to trace them. I was always tempted to wear you like a sweater to provide me warmth, despite knowing you have Ruins within. We both did.

I’ve never gotten any flower, for everytime, you bring me to your Garden.
We spent our weekends talking about future. I told you countless times that I don’t wanna think about the future anymore. Sometimes, the moment you expect you’re moving forward, you’re actually moving backwards.
I didn’t wanna think about future because the present was all we had, the present moments were the only ones guaranteed.
Because the more I know, the less I feel existent for what I currently hold. The transcendence to think about future scared me. I told you countless times I don’t wanna think about it anymore, for I know, what I currently have has it’s built-in limitation – all will come to an end.

I couldn’t be sure with tomorrow, but somehow we made it. I couldn’t be sure with the following weeks, somehow you were still there for me. I couldn’t be sure with the next month, somehow, we were still able to talk and clear what’s disheveled.
I hated to imagine you bringing someone else home, and think of me in the verge of losing myself repetitively.

Through summers, we worn out. Petals succumbed, the leaves withered, as thorns evolved rigidly piercing in me.
Humid ether seeped through my sunburned veneer.

We used to picture the same good kind of life –
Living in seclusion, away from the crowd, far from city noises.
Coffee on a balcony at 6:00 AM. Making memories every morning, staring into a big garden.
You chose your fate, I chose mine.
You choose to have family, I choose to be alone.
It could’ve been us together; only if you actually saw me in your head as part of your plans, but you didn’t. It couldn’t be.

I still wish you a good life. No matter what persist, you will have someone to walk back to. Even if you refuse, even if you fear telling me about your hurt.

I’ll watch you walk away, and I’ll just watch us in old pictures I stored when you were still around holding me.


The Lake of Thousand Poems I Wrote You


Every beat is a defiance to temptation of soaking in,
Every second is a go-signal to wash the weight down.
For once, I thought the fate was conspiring with me.
For once, it did.
Till it ceased for my decease –
Conniving with the world, vanishing everyone till I fathom staying no more.

Waters run placid,
And I delight shaking it’s stillness.
No creature left digging peace.
Whatever comes close to my skin,
Sure perish.

“The world breaks everyone…”, Ernest wrote.
And what about when the world keeps it’s eyes on you?
No more metaphor left to keep chasing what’s lost.
Presence of your absence is the juxtaposition of demise.
And in this lake is an eternal scene –

A poet breathlessly sinking, searching sane.