Bottled Tears

It’s happening the same way as what it is since I started falling. And now I’m still falling and I know that there will be no one to catch me, I know how helpless I am, I know how much much of a fool my mind is, and I know how weak my heart is composed with. I will always keep on staring at your pictures as I am awake in the cold night breeze. I have nothing to do but that, look at your smiles, at your teeth I love, at that wide eyes of yours that makes me awkwardly comfortable as I smile at ’em. I would put my blanket on, feel the warmth and just close my eyes in the softness of the mellow songs I’m listening to. And I know, they’re about heartbreaks, they’re for my hopeless heart.

Without no idea, I can’t imagine how I came up this far, of thinking about you, wonderin’ what you do, “are you asleep? ” “ Or think of that girl you love? ”. My heart would beat faster and stronger for no good, unexplainable reason.

The emotion wouldn’t be better and not better. I never imagined how hard it would be for me, for myself. I mean, why would you love me back?

As I continue listening, my heart could already feel the weight inside, it’s my inner sadness that tries to burst. The lyrics just kill me even more. I couldn’t think of no one but you.

Then I would stop it. I would wipe the little tears my eyes shed, pretend like nothing’s wrong. Keep it all.
And suddenly, the lights are out, darkness makes me feel any weaker, It makes me realize how much of a hopeless I am. My heart would beat a little more faster, louder.
And my eyes would open a little wider, wide enough to let the tears flow like an endless river. And I’m bursting out, talking with my mind, talking about me and you that will never ever exist in my life.
And I’ll never insist.
My quiet cries would break the defeaning silence inside the dark room.

It’s my inner sadness that coats my heart, fragility turned to fractures but
all I know is I’m still falling. And as I fall deeper, this hidden pain gets stronger. Only you can heal.

Random Writings | Yours Truly

“ I once was a paper airplane flying,
Then you came.
Rain poured.
My paper wings was soaked. ”

“ Is it the paper heart that you cut?

Is it the paper heart that you broke?

It’s the paper heart that you cut,

It’s the paper heart that you broke. ”

“ Painful sound from my mind,

“ You can never be her. ”

Painful sound from my heart’s voice,

“ You will never be his choice. ”

“ I found out that you also cry,

I started to wonder why. ”

“ I saw your good sides,

And I wanted to be with you.

I saw your bad sides,

I want to be with you even more. ”

“ I should remove you in my life,

’cause you makes me believe at things which ain’t true. ”

“ Don’t you know me?

I was the mess you once moved to your section of trashes.

But I’m not anymore. ”

“ At autumn season, everything fell down.

At winter, your heart was froze.

And at spring, you rose again, you bloomed like the flowers that once experienced the gloom. ”

“ For months, I’ve been cryin’,

But another book has to open. ”

Just an Update:

Random Writings from Yours Truly

I already published my very first Wattpad book entitled “ Random Writings from Yours Truly ” and yes, that book is composed of the random words I wrote about heartbreaks like what I always do.
So, that written writings up there are just part of that book and if you want to read more and break your heart a little, there’s only one thing you can do. To check it out.

I hope, you’ll visit and support it like what you guys do with my blog. Like, vote for that book and don’t you guys worry, if you have any suggestions I’m open for that. I totally am. Thanks Y’all.

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The Canvas

I painted a dark sky,

And I painted myself under.

I painted you,

And I painted her.

Melancholy filled the vast space of canvas.

My heartache is the whole art.

Paper Heart

There was a mess you picked on the road, Where you wrote your name. It’s the lifeless thing you colored, A mess you tamed.

Once crumpled by someone, But you hugged it by it’s flaws. Ugly duckling grew like a swan, Searching for no claws.

It’s the paper heart that you changed,
Paper heart that you chose. The paper heart that you trained, Paper heart that you closed.

And one day you crossed the shore, What’s close have opened. Will you put it back to before? Now that it’s clean and free from pain?

You erased what’s written, You cut it. You leaved it to rotten, You also broke it.

When rain came, Paper heart get soaked. Biggest shame, Paper heart you tore and puked.

Star’s Slave

There’s really these unexplainable moments when I feel like I just can’t sleep and I feel like my mind is a vast space of nothingness. And suddenly I’ll get my head looking up on the sky, my eyes will be strike by endless shines. Shines that can lighten up the darkest night, twinkles that might catch my vision.

Very light feeling will come up to me, never imagined how those little lamps makes me feel so comfortable and free but not really, that little lights from afar will change something in me, they will put me back in sadness and emptiness I felt earlier. The beautiful lights I’m staring at will change, noticeably. They will make me feel any more hopeless, they will let me think of my hidden reasons why I always cry, of him, the person I can never have.

It will start with full of questions, “Why? Why did I just met him? Why I fell so deep? Why should I care so much about him if I don’t have to ’cause he’ll never care for me the way I do? ”. When he should be just a stranger.

And it’ll end up wishing to the stars. Wishing for the things I should’ve wishing for myself. “ I hope he’s always happy, I hope he’ll be always fulfilled. I hope he can find the right person for him, he deserve all the best things. ”

Tears will scatter in the place where my feet are sticked. “Grant ’em for me, Stars. I ask. ”

And I’ll feel heavier, something I can’t lift. I’ll feel any weaker as coldness coats my body and little hope kisses my skin. I need more of them, I need more stars, to lighten me up. To lighten up my heart imprisoned in this dim jail inside. And with the moon dressed with thin clouds, I can see them, countlessly. Shining for me.

Q & A | Facts About Me | Know Me More!

Okay! So today I decided to put myself in this Q & A so at least you guys may have the idea about the things I like and I don’t like. Being one of your co-bloggers, I already said that you’ll be a part of my life so it’s important for y’all to know what do I love and not just my name, age, nationality, whatnot.

To tell it, I tried searching on Google for some fun questions but some of them don’t relate to me and I don’t want to answer any question/s that I’m not interested about. So, brought by my mind, I created my own questions that I think most people asks.

Let’s start and Know me More!

QUESTIONS :

This or that ?

•Introvert or Extrovert?

-Ambivert

•Are you Fat or skinny?

-Skinny, and I’m proud.

•Dog person or cat one?

-Cat, the cuter one.

•To whom are you close the most? Mom or your Dad?

– Mom, she’s the only person who’s there for me ’cause Dad passed away when I was just young, maybe I was 2 years old, I Just Don’t know.

•Tea, coffee, Cola, or Milk?

– Coffee and Cola Drinks.

•Youtube Vlogging or Blogging by writing?

-Blogging by writing but youtube?

Why not? If I only have my cam-corder.

•Hanging-out or sleeping?

-Uhh, Sleeping.

•Sleeping or listening to Music?

-Listening to music before sleeping.

•Facebook or Twitter?

-Twitter. Watch out, I’ll give you the link later and follow me there, my second account.

•Social Media or Friends?

– Both, I want to experience both.

•Horror or love story movies?

-Horror movies.

•Korean-pop/ Korean-drama or Hollywood?

-Hollywood

•Watching or reading?

-I’m not into reading so much books or what but I would still prefer it. Reading is something that can put our minds in Peace. Right?

•Natural fruits or canned ones?

-canned?

• Android or IOS?

-Oh! I’m a fan of the brand Apple and I don’t know why, I just love their icon. So my answer is obvious, isn’t it?

What and who?

•What’s the first thing you do when you wake-up?

-Check my phone and visit my notifs. to all of my social-media accounts.

•And what’s the last thing you do before sleeping?

– Listen to Music.

•What genre of song you listen the most?

-Pop and something about heartbreaks that makes me and my heart cry all the tiiime.

•What type of friends do you have?

– Well, my buddies are kind of noisy people but still with hidden seriousness. They are the ones who can make you laugh and even if you’re out of your mood, they will never fail to do that. Trust me, I think we’re the noisiest group of people inside the classroom.

•What kind of people you like the most?

-People who are trustworthy, they show the real them, and not hypocrite, just what they have.

•Who’s the 3 most important people in your life?

-God, Momma, and myself, of course.

•Who’s your favorite and Idol in singing or in Music Industry?

-Ohgod, Taylor Swift.

•Who’s your inspiration to go through life?

-Mom, ’cause I want to prove her that all the things she gave will worth.

•Who’s this person you want to be back?

– Maybe, my old self. My old self I lost along the way.

•Who’s the last person to make you cry?

-One of the most important people in my life excluding the 3 I given.

Do you or don’t you?

•Do you like raw foods?

-Let’s say 50-50, There are some raw foods I like and I don’t like.

•Do you sleep late only for social-media?

-No. Not. Never.

•Do you sleep late for academics/school works?

-Yes, but only ’til 11:00 PM ’cause I make sure I value my sleep and my body condition. I don’t want to burnout my self especially I’m still too young.

•Do you feel better when you write?

-Yes, I do. Writing is my freedom. And even though I know I’m not good enough at least it soothes my feelings.

•Do you maximize your phone’s Volume when your favorite song pop-up?

-Yes, I do. And even the phone’s warning me, I still continue maximizing it to the fullest just because I really love what plays.

•Do you talk to yourself in front of the mirror?

– I do. When I’m all alone and I’m sad, I stare at myself in front of the mirror and talk with it quietly.

•Do you dance?

-I do. But I’m not a good dancer at all. When I was young, I use to join groups to perform onstage but not at all. That’s one of the things I’ll never do now that I’m already 16. Ha-ha.

•Do you sing?

-I do. I mean, I can but I won’t.

•Do you write stories?

-I do.

I’m not a good story teller but why not?

•Do you feel comfortable when you share problems with other people?

-I don’t. I’d rather keep things by myself ’cause sometimes I think, they would not understand me and they would not know how I feel.

Have you or haven’t you?

•Have you dated someone?

-I haven’t.

No. Not. Never.

•Have you experienced the feeling of being in love?

-I have.

I mean, who’s not in love, right?

There’s always a lot of reasons to be in love.

•Have you cried after watching a movie?

-I haven’t.

Not yet, ’cause I’m not into watching dramatic movies.

•Have you cried just because you listen to music?

-I have.

Ha-ha. I did. I did. I did. Listening to music makes me think of things that I keep and so makes me emotional.

•Have you tried uploading video/s on YouTube?

-Yes, I have. Ha-ha.

I started my own channel months ago but I dunno what to put there so I uploaded something. But I also ended up deleting ’em ’cause…

•Have you experienced being insulted?

-I have.

Multiple times. Uhh-Uhmm, I can’t just really count ’em but I have my list. Ha-ha.

•Have you experienced being underestimated?

-Yes, I have.

Multiple times also but I just don’t mind them. Let’s be educated. Right?

•Have you tried interacting with other people you don’t know online through chats?

-I haven’t and I don’t mind of trying that unless they’ll be the one to message me first but I’m also wise, I don’t instantly reply, I first check their profiles.

•Have you tried wishing for the stars?

-Uhmm, I have. Always, I wish a lot of things to them. And I don’t know why.

•Have you ever feel less about yourself?

-Yes,I always go through that stage where I criticize myself and think that I’m not good enough like, you know.

Faves:

•Color/s: Something that’s dark and something that’s luminous.

•Food/s: Pizza, Beef, fries, Nata de Coco. I can’t just cite ’em all.

•Fastfood: Jollibee

•Place/s: Paris and New york

•Youtube Vlogger: LA Aguinaldo, my hubby, Ohemjey. ( Oops! Don’t ask, he’s the reason why I burst out into tears the other nights) . I guess, you guys should click the “subscribe ” button to his channel because he deserves all the looove in the world.

Finally I named him. Yup, he’s the person behind my heartbreak poems from this blog.

•Sport: Badminton, I guess. But sorry I’m not into sports.

•Subject : English

So that’s it, People!

I really hope you gathered some ideas about me and you know me better now.

If there’s something you’re still curious about, just comment it down to the section and I’ll answer them openly and honestly. I’d love to.

Wait. Before you leave I want you guys to know that you can also answer the questions I used for myself, just tell me if you’ll be doing it so I can check them out once published and I’ll be able to know your likes and dislikes. I hope you have some fun reading this and I added something in your day. 🙂

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