Venice Bitch, Lana Del Rey

It was 16th of December, 4:00 in the afternoon when you decided to bring me home.
Nostalgic song playing in your car, neither one of us speak.
I knew it’s our lasts. Our last ride together, last afternoon together, last moment listening to a song together.
I knew it would be the last time I get to stare at you while your eyes are fixed on the road. I watched you obscure your emotions, so at least, I have your image in the back of my memory even if I delete all your photos.
I tried to sniff as much of you and your car’s scent as I could, at least, I could remember it even when I don’t get to lean on your arms again. I recorded the music playing that moment, at least, I can listen to it on repeat when I’m alone.
I counted how long it took you to send me home.
I learned that minutes can entirely wreck you, and provide you weight to carry for years.

Back to my town, I opened the door cause you didn’t mind doing it for me.
I could not say goodbye, or stare at you like how I always do. None a single word came out of your mouth, all I could hear was engine won’t decide to stop.
Neither you did look at me. Three steps away; I walked, I heard you leave without hesitation. I knew it was the last time someone would bring me home. And if one more time, new person will do the same; it won’t replace how I felt when it was you doing it.

That December afternoon was supposed to be happy, never have I thought it would end not the way I envisioned it earlier that day when I woke up. But what we had are over now.
Even if I wait, you’ll never mind reaching out to me and telling me that we’ve made the wrong choice again.

I could’ve brought Roses to my town when you sent me back there. Deep blue was the color of dusk when I walk the path going home, while somehow, wondering about the paths we didn’t take.
Butterflies had broken wings, trying to find life on the thorny vines intertwined all over me.

September Letter

I can whisper an apology, or sing with my Blues.
I can write an elegy, or a prose or poem so sad.
I can write a thousand words if needed, to be forgiven.

I know I shattered you; my bad, I am socially unintelligent.

The night will be long,
The silence will haunt and make me wonder if I still belong.
Hidden melancholy in my bland eyes, abiding poetry in my insane mind.

I knew it, I am hurt that you are hurt.
Trust me when I tell you, it’s not what I meant.

What Kept me Busy on November 2020

November 2020 Must be a horrendous month for me. Consecutive typhoon arrived, because c’mon this is Philippines, and we undergo 20 typhoon a year. Ugh, that don’t sound nice. Honestly.
Due to that, happenings were zero electricity, zero internet access. Basically, I used my phone minimally to no usage at all. I could only access social media on a super minimum basis which, again, doesn’t sound that nice.
I could’ve died if I was someone overly dependent on the internet. Thanks God, I wasn’t and I still am not.

° Journaling

– as the year was approaching to end, and there was no internet where I can share my thoughts, I ended up opening my Journal again. I revisited my past notes, tracked days on the Calendar, looked at my goals, and made entries which are mostly personal and Private – the kind that I won’t share here.

° Organizing my Room & Stuffs

– *aka*, Organizing my Life. Trust me, doing clutter and declutter, is annoying yet satisfying for me. I mean, the process is annoying. But at least, It feels satisfying when you’re done. Pahahaha

° Writing Songs

– songwriting might be a little complex for me but I still do It because I want it. I hope I get the chance to have a musical career soon lols.
Anyways, my ass is too lazy to place itself in the creative process, but November forced it to.

° Practicing Tongue Twisters

– Reciting tongue twisters is a great way to practice diction, pronunciation, and fluency.
This has to be the best hobby I’ve discovered. Along with this, I also read random texts which helps me improve my speaking voice as well as reading ability.
You know that English is just my second language, even though I’m speaking it for years now, I still struggle – at least – sometimes – that is why I put in my head that I have to keep on learning ~always~.

° Planning my Instagram Feed

– my love for Instagram keeps me inspired in furthering my Photographic and photo-editing skills. But because I was badly inactive, part of me kinda expected my follower count to go downhill. But what’s new anyway?

° Streaming Norman Fucking Rockwell, and Folklore

– God, these two albums and the vibe. I swear.
I know that they are not new at all. But what can I do? I love them.
NFR by Lana Del Rey is so nostalgic. The vintage vibe, the lyrics, production and delivery! Ugh!
Whilst, I think Folklore is something I don’t talk about enough here in the blog since release. Right?
But trust me, I don’t hate it. It’s actually good. The vibes, and I guess, it showcased Taylor Swift’s Full potential in terms of song-writing. I love how she explored on different themes and various Perspectives.

° Self-Care

– Self-care for me means getting lots of sleep and lots of caffeine-intake.
And they were what I get on November! No regrets though.
Of course, classes were suspended and so What I did? I took the chance to retrieve all the amount of sleep I’ve lost due to freaking school works!

Again, trust me, my caffeine-intake has inclined massively. Why tf do I keep on fueling my Anxiety?

To tell, I can put a lot in this blog post but I want to make it minimal.
All in all, even though November became the kind of month I didn’t expect to be, I still managed to become productive and positive.
There actually are things going on in the background which I want to share about, there are stories I want to tell, and talks I want to have with you. However, finding time to completely get my head on the blog isn’t facile as it was. I know which are to primarily prioritize, and which ones can wait. The blog can wait, and I’ll surely do my best to catch up.

Just realized that my blog design is quite too old yet, but I’m contented with it. I love it, and I don’t have even a little plan to change it. Let’s stick with it for now, cause as soon as I get to create graphics which are worthy to replace what’s current, I’ll implement them on my website.

Yep. I wish you also had great November and all. I truly can’t wait what’s ahead.

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my life is changing // hello October.

So we’re a little busy dizzy lately as college approached me. Trust me when I tell you, I only snapped a couple of minutes to write this blog post, for I have a lot of “schedules” kinda. And honestly, I can’t be more a little shocked with all the changes going on.
2020 seems to be slipping away quite that fast. And I can’t believe It’s October and Christmas is so so soon again.
If we have fall season in the Philippines, I’m probably doing all things cozy, capturing all things Autumn – and my Instagram palette would be Yellow, Orange, to Red, with little touches of Brown.
Well, I love Instagram y’all know that. Right?

I am not in any way bothered with all the stuffs going on, I am just a little like thinking of ways I can balance every single thing. I made it a promise to myself that I will never ever quit or give up blogging. However though, Finding time for me to effort making post or doing all these graphics is a little difficult.
I want to give nothing, but all my best when it comes to the blog.
I kinda don’t care about Traffic at all, I just wanna enjoy this blogging thing in a kinda diaristic manner where I get to share my life, my writings, my ideas and all that. God! This is all I ever wanted and it’s in my hands. How could I not be any more grateful?

So, just a reminder that everything that I say right now, are all random and impromptu because the idea of giving an update seeped through my mind all of sudden. I pulled my phone and began typing.

Just so y’all know, I’m 18 now so life’s a little extra making me feel conscious. And it’s all weird because I don’t feel grown-up, but I love it.
As soon as I entered college, I am acquainting with new lovely Filipino people. And it feels awesome to make batch of new circles. But you know me, right? I am good at keeping boundaries. In my opinion, that’s a healthy choice and that is good for me.

I am coming at this stage where I feel like I can’t just keep up and balance everything all at once. There are things I have to let go and stop holding into.
I think, coming at this realization root when you feel like you can’t consistently do all things which makes you happy anymore.
If I’m being honest, I am a journal keeper, and Trust me – I am losing time for it at all. I have two unread books, novel in progress, plans not yet made. But I still wanna hold on to them. I still want to finish that two books before buying new ones, I still want to continue the story of Blaire and Ruel, and justify why that novel is titled “Spell Eternity”. I still want to keep a journal and make private entries about my days, I still want to run Virtually Bly and this Blog.
I still want to write prose, and poems- thing which I can’t do consistently at all.

I can come at the blogosphere, and type a single “hi”, post it, and leave. But that is not something which i wanna do.
I have stock of writings, but I can’t find time to reconnect with them, and post them here. You know, life goes on, and transitions are unstoppable.
Recently, I’ve been noticing declines in my website. The followers are slowly going down, the likes are smaller now, the comments are rare. But, does that make sense?
I think, no at all. I just want this space to be mine. And whoever who’d love to read my entries is super welcome.
You know, you can still scroll through my posts, you can leave comment/s and I’ll sure read and reply them the earliest as possible.

If I have time, I’m probably making Christmas Tree and decorating them with lights. I love them, they make me feel Christmas even more. I so so love that feeling, trust me. Well, comment down if you do too. We’ll be super close friends.
I mean, I can make time If I want to, but I have my priorities at the moment.

How’s your October going so far? Also noticing some sort of changes in your life lately? What are the things you miss? (just literally, anything)

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