Something Strange Happening in Me

The other day, I was back online and I promised myself to post writing on my blog because I said before my hiatus, that will be the thing I’m going to do once I’m back but I first procrastinate everything and leave them for the following day.
But last night, when I was too tired after the party from school, I decided to read some chapters from the book I availed. I felt like my eyes isn’t working properly and I need to take sleep for at least half an hour and so I did. When I woke up, I heard Momma telling us to eat dinner so as she said, I prepared my food and so my cup of coffee. After I ate, I went to my bed like what I always do, and when I already set myself to start deciding what to post on my blog, I felt something in me that I couldn’t understand. There’s something that keeps my from telling myself that my words are too lame and stupid, I can feel it. I mean, I already have the writings on my note but I can’t just type and post any of them, there’s something in me that needs to be filled. I know I can’t write right now and even if I want to start another writer’s block, I also can’t. I don’t want this thing in me to affect any other things I do.

I first hang on Twitter and burst Everything out, I rant, said a lot of shits, and I was just really emotional. In spite of the truth, I could talk and interact to people especially my commentators from this page but I feel like I’m a bit fake when I was doing that. I was happy online but in reality, I’m not. Really not.

I’m anxious, I’m experiencing clouds of different emotions. The heartbreak, the feeling like I can’t trust anyone even my closest friends, and the fact that I can’t suddenly do the things I believe I’m good at. As of now, I decided to add more sleep, that means I need to sleep early Especially that this holiday break won’t be an actual break ’cause there’s this research paper plus book review I need to accomplish seriously.
I just need to rest and break for a while, I guess. Like what I always tell others when they are in the same state as mine. I’m just tired- physically and emotionally.

I already had Breakdown before and it’s a thing that might happen or might not happen.
But this time around, I won’t let it happen anymore. Sorry to tell and to fail y’all guys. I need time, I’m going to fix myself as soon as possible and this will not endure.


13 thoughts on “Something Strange Happening in Me

    1. Hello, L.
      Thanks so much for this comment, it’s so thoughtful.
      Your concern guys are motivating and I’m glad I have y’all in my life. πŸ™‚
      I’m okay now and oh by the way, it’s my gratitude to receive compliment from you. Xx.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Hey.
    I can relate to what you’re saying about writer’s block because I was experiencing it only a while ago. I haven’t felt too great about my content for the past couple of months either, and the anxiety that goes with that is just absolutely crazy.
    Truth be told, I like to think that I’m as honest as I can be on my blog. Even if I’m evading an issue or ignoring my emotions in real life, my blog is the one place where I can just let it all out and be myself.
    But sometimes I’m too confused about my personality to know how to go about doing that. I write stuff in my notebook and it feels very natural but when I sit down to type for a post, it just becomes superficial because I change the original so much, to the point where it just doesn’t feel like me at all. I’m working on changing that though – working on just being comfortable in my own skin and being myself.
    It’s okay not to feel okay all the time, and it’s also okay to take a break. I think we all need it badly at times, and don’t realize it often. Try to do what’s good for you, and I feel like everything else will gradually begin to fall into place.
    But yeah, I can really relate to everything you’ve said here, particularly the stuff about the breakdown and not feeling like you can trust anyone, even the people who seem to be so close to you. I hope this feeling passes, because it tends to be terrible.
    Pleasure meeting you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m very much glad there are still some people who understand this thing I’m going through, that there are some people who don’t think I’m just over-reacting. And you’re one of them, Mvadi.
      Now I know, that it’s not only me. That there are others out there who feel the same thing as I do.

      It’s true that sometimes A writer would not be comfortable with his own words, like writing it on a note and then delaying to post it.

      Thanks for your concern, but I want you to know that everything’s okay now and I’m trying to be better. I hope you can also conquer what you had tell me in this comment.
      I’m glad you shared your thoughts here. It’s also my pleasure meeting you, dear. Xx.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can say with a lot of certainty that you’re not the only one feeling this way. I think we all need people who we can relate to. It’s comforting in a way. For me, feeling alone is probably the worst feeling in the whole world.

        That’s great! I hope it gets better because, as much as I myself don’t believe this during the hard times, I want to tell you that it does. Hang in there.

        Haha! My process of healing will probably be slow and painful but it doesn’t have to be that way if I don’t want it to be.

        Reaching out to new people has always been a fun experience!

        Liked by 1 person

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