Drought when it stopped beating.
You came in,
Awakened my pale and sleeping heart again.
Drought when it stopped beating.
You came in,
Awakened my pale and sleeping heart again.
You’re a person who once occupied my heart, you’re one of those musicians I know, you’re the tall type of Canadian boy with good hair and a perfectly lovely smile. You’re the guy I once dreamed of. Inside countless nights, I cried, I did. Voiceless in darkness but I could hear myself telling the words in my mind which breaks me until now “ You’re-not-mine ”. I was too wounded, my bones were just crushed and damaged.
Maybe everything really had to change but I can feel it inside- I miss you now. Your pictures are flashing back again. I bet, I never moved on, I was just too hurt to be tired, I was just too hopeless not to make it.
What if I still love you until now and my heart just suddenly paused?
What if it’s still you?
No, I don’t want to be back from what I used to be.
Through those days when I was tied with you, I never wrote anything but the pain fleeted anyway. You’ve been a part of me, I loved you and I won’t be gone, you too in me won’t. My missing pieces are back and for once, the words too are- “ You’re not mine ”.
I’ve cried, I’ve been wounded and damaged, time flew and I’m now healed by the stitches I made.
When you came, I thought you’ll be just another little heartbreak I’m going to feel like what I had before, when I was younger. I was too wrong to think of that, cause you’re a disaster and I fell on your deep brown eyes. Deeper. I can’t run, away from the tragedy I started.
Every night is a storm for me, crying till I get nothing and empty. With uncountable thoughts of you, I drown and I would wish I can breathe through. Each day I wake up, I know I’m a mess. I can always tell myself that I should hold on more, and I do even if it’s certain that I’m chained with someone I can’t have- a moon I can see but impossible to reach- You.
Nobody knows how this will stop, or as if it will stop- not me, no doubt not you.
This battle is real and I think, I’ll be defeated once again. You’re not for me, I shouldn’t say I’m yours. It’s just a sudden switch of fate- we’re two unlike stars collided not to see each other, romantic yet hopeless.
Maybe in other place, we’re not, I’m not filled with dying hopes, of missing chances, and false words.
Maybe in other world, I have you.
Maybe in other time, we’re creatures created for each other.
Will that gonna happen?
Should I still hold on? Until when?
Only if this tangled fate changes.
Wake up today.
There’s no sunshine outside.
You know that rain is unstoppable-
You know that you’re still in pain,
Tearing and drifting away into uncountable pieces.
Forget about the devastated wall,
The wrecked bricks.
Stop your pale imagery.
Take it all today.
You’ll be off to greater happiness, someday.
Freed yourself –
Break the chain –
Cut the strings,
Chase your moon now,
Be guided by stars.
I will fall now –
Lone and shattering.
My walls are waiting to crush my bones,
Abiding clouds above again.
Let the storm come,
I will watch myself bleed helplessly.
Farther and away.
More steps and away.
I’m letting you go now –
So my dying heart must be.
Two astray stars met,
Vast space of sky was occupied.
Burst out into million pieces –
Shattered and indentations left behind.
Chance was gone missing.
False hopes appeared.
Solace in hearts disappeared.
Take a sip from your half-filled cup of coffee.
Open new chapters –
Leave everything behind.
And if you’ll do it tonight,
You can do it tomorrow.
Break your worries now,
Of pain which keeps you locked.
Life is not meant to be perfect nor to be always sweet,
There’s a blend of bitterness in it.
This time around, breathe.
Choose your own happiness,
And for him, at least, do the same thing –
Peeps! How was the holidays?
Let’s say that my last blog post was on December 15, 2018 and I was gone for so long. I never knew I should have such long hiatus. Okay, until now it seems like my writings are still hanged-up on my note and I’m giving no chance to post at least one of them, you know?
It seems like my blog is slowly turning into #myLife blog but no, I will start posting writings again soon since there are some new poems I made which are all super personal.
Honestly, I never really enjoyed my holiday break. As usual, there are still paper works to do for school, the research from chapters 1-3 and the book review ( by the way, I finished reading All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven 😭 )
I was sleeping late every night, ’cause I made our Research paper alone since I can’t give my groupmates individual tasks, you know? That could ruin the whole thing up and I’m just super demanding when it comes to things like that. I was there on Google for countless days, opening websites related with our topic, downloading files, reading articles, and reviewing related studies. I and my groupmates used the topic which is Public speaking since I love public speaking. I sound selfish, don’t I? 😂
At least, I’m done doing that and I’m just trying to finish my book review now. If you guys will ask what time do I wake-up, it’s 9:00 AM.
I’m not against Christmas but I’m super sad how a special day seems like fading away. I never really felt it, and when I woke up on December 25th, it’s like I woke Up in a normal day. To tell it, we’re not the type of family whose too demanding when it comes in preparing holiday foods and just a fact, I prefer money than material gifts. 😂
It’s one of my things that I make Christmas Tree when the season is near but I failed to make it this year ’cause of too much busyness with school works so that also deducted the Christmas spirit.
We also don’t eat at Christmas Eve, usually we celebrate on the exact day so at 12:00 AM, December 24th, I think I was still awake that time while doing my tasks.
I didn’t received anything, not any gift, not any amount of money, there was really nothing but I heard mom will give me some amount this New year’s and I will use that for another book, I’ll be going on the city and be checking the bookstore. Oh! I can’t believe we’re near 2019 ! Time’s really fleeting fast. I-want-some-Jollibee-before-the-year-ends.
Yep! As I’ve said, I’m done reading the book All the Bright Places and It was super personal for the author, written beautifully, very sad and tragic. You guys know what? I was crying the whole time I was reading the last chapters. I don’t want any incident to happen to me and to my life. I highly recommend it to y’all peeps, you all will probably also cry. Don’t forget, the writer was Jennifer Niven.
Ahhhhh! Since I’m done reading my very first book, I’m now ready to buy something new again, I decided that It will be “ Eleanor and Park ” by Rainbow Rowell,
-also one of the New York Times Best Selling Book same to the first one I bought.
Hmmm. I still need a lot of money, I still have a lot on my list, my next three books are :
– The Fault in our Stars – John Green
– Fangirl – Rainbow Rowell (also)
– Holding up the Universe – Jennifer Niven (also)
Since it will be 2019 yet, means that holiday vacation will be over, stresses and frustrations will be back again. There are still three months left before this school year end and inside this upcoming January will be hustle again, it contains the 3rd Quarter examination, plus submission of projects, plus DEFENSE.
I should be ready especially for that defense thing, because if we fail to convince the panels to approve our research paper, we need to repeat and I don’t know how desperate I will be.
So that’s it! I’m glad I’m finally back. I can finally breath from the long hiatus I took…
How are you guys doin’? Are you enjoying your holiday break? You think T. Space Diaries will be cool? Missed me? XD. Drop down your lovely comments below and let’s talk ’cause I missed y’all so much!
The other day, I was back online and I promised myself to post writing on my blog because I said before my hiatus, that will be the thing I’m going to do once I’m back but I first procrastinate everything and leave them for the following day.
But last night, when I was too tired after the party from school, I decided to read some chapters from the book I availed. I felt like my eyes isn’t working properly and I need to take sleep for at least half an hour and so I did. When I woke up, I heard Momma telling us to eat dinner so as she said, I prepared my food and so my cup of coffee. After I ate, I went to my bed like what I always do, and when I already set myself to start deciding what to post on my blog, I felt something in me that I couldn’t understand. There’s something that keeps my from telling myself that my words are too lame and stupid, I can feel it. I mean, I already have the writings on my note but I can’t just type and post any of them, there’s something in me that needs to be filled. I know I can’t write right now and even if I want to start another writer’s block, I also can’t. I don’t want this thing in me to affect any other things I do.
I first hang on Twitter and burst Everything out, I rant, said a lot of shits, and I was just really emotional. In spite of the truth, I could talk and interact to people especially my commentators from this page but I feel like I’m a bit fake when I was doing that. I was happy online but in reality, I’m not. Really not.
I’m anxious, I’m experiencing clouds of different emotions. The heartbreak, the feeling like I can’t trust anyone even my closest friends, and the fact that I can’t suddenly do the things I believe I’m good at. As of now, I decided to add more sleep, that means I need to sleep early Especially that this holiday break won’t be an actual break ’cause there’s this research paper plus book review I need to accomplish seriously.
I just need to rest and break for a while, I guess. Like what I always tell others when they are in the same state as mine. I’m just tired- physically and emotionally.
I already had Breakdown before and it’s a thing that might happen or might not happen.
But this time around, I won’t let it happen anymore. Sorry to tell and to fail y’all guys. I need time, I’m going to fix myself as soon as possible and this will not endure.