After the Party

Loud laughters,
And pretentious face.
Familiar voices heard,
And uncountable uttered words;
Gone, gone, gone.

Nails are polished
Black and White.
Grey thoughts,
Inside my mind.
Grey images meant for rewind.

After the party,
It’s all pale and cloudy;
’cause after the party,
Sad girls are sad girls;

Staying on the bed,
Laying with their brokenness.


It was last summer when we fell in love.
Was it the right time?
It was last summer when I realized,
That happiness was just in front of me.

I would always love you more,
Your humor was everything to me.
I saw something deeper than your face,
Wished you’d stay more than three months.

I tried to make you not leave,
But I knew you were supposed to leave.
I swear I missed a lot,
I missed you singing to me every night.

I was hurt,
The happiness I found also faded.
It was last summer when we fell in love.
Was it the right time?

Swear, it wasn’t
because it ended.
And was it ‘us’ who fell together?
Swear, I was alone ’cause I fell apart.

Dusk, Warm Colors, and the Letting-go-Season

We sit on the ground to watch the Sun fade,

You smiled for how it was replaced by farther stars.

I wanted to stay, but I couldn’t.

You couldn’t.

You and I needed to be home, even when I felt home.

I stood up and you walked with me.

Leaves were falling from Autumn Trees,
And I admired them.

I was like those brightly-colored leaves,

Falling on us.

But I just wished that you were also falling,

But you chose to fall on the other side.

I heard a ‘goodbye‘.

I let go of your hand.

Ocean and Holes

You are mystified.
When you doesn’t know
who to trust.
When you doesn’t know
what to feel.
You take your days for granted,
And doesn’t know
where to get
the truest happiness.
The voices in your head
always yell words,
So you believe them.
The thoughts inside
doesn’t know where to go out,
they became spirals
where you always fall.
Thousand of waves
are going through you,
Gushing till you’re almost drowning.
And they want you drowning,
But you want it more.
More than they do.

Featured image: © Hannah Blum

A Little Virtual Talk

I honestly feel so stuck up…

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Hey people! *Argh* I honestly do not know how to start. I know that this is so random of me to show up on the blog again from being so MIA. I mean, I can give an excuse, C’mon I’m a graduating student 😂 life has been so busy lately. On the bright side tho, I’m just weeks away before graduation. 🎊 (or if it will continue, Corona Virus is tryin’ to hit it hard by placing on critical condition)

Everything was a roller coaster ride again. I was so Manic but had one breakdown. However, I just wanna share and acknowledge what I felt but don’t wanna talk too much because I might get so negative again. I- don’t want negativity in my blog, just so you know.

I think, if there’s something I am most happy about, that is the fact that I’m getting my creativity back to artistic illustrations and painting again. Drawing on paper is something which I really loved when I was a kid, and I’m so happy I’m giving myself the chance to experience it again. Nobody’s asking but I already made four artworks already, and I have one WIP. I also added a menu section in my site where I’ll be posting and sharing ’em, it is called ‘my artworks’.
But I think, what’s making me sad is the fact that I feel so stuck up. Everything seems to be a Work in progress lately, especially for my novel. I wasn’t adding any chapter, and I still am not adding any. It’s just… sad. I’ll try to be productive this vacation (summer) in terms of creativity, and that’s a promise. Because I think, I see myself as the type of person who should always be doing something, I should be always working on something which makes me excited to feel truly alive.

And by the way, talking about novel, all the bright places- the first ever book which I read, and which is my fave, has finally a movie. And it’s only available on freaking Netflix. And I freaking can’t watch. So I’m sad again. 😭 the best alternative tho, is to just reread it. So I may reread anytime, because I want to get all the feels again.

Nobody asks but for me, 2020 is working well. And I hope it does the same with you. One more thing, as this year started, I became obsessed with Nail Polish 💅, and I might color my nails again after this. lol.

Alright! Let’s talk about blogging now. Over the months, I became more and more less interactive in the blogosphere, and that is one of the things which makes me sad bc I think I’m being so unfair (especially, to those who read my posts.) so I got an idea to probably start an awarding. Yep, you heard that right. I’ll create my own blogger award, and I’ll give it to those people whom I know are deserving. Exciting! Don’t you think?
And also, whenever I post, You can always comment something you want together with the link leading to your blog post you want me to read. I think, that will make everything easy for me to manage. And once you do so, I’ll sure make time to check that out and show some loveeee. ♡

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So that’s it, for my li’l talk. Just to make my site alive again, and to update y’all about – me – my life – behind the scenes. (?)

Another update which I almost forgot: tho I said that 2020’s becoming great, I already feel like giving up on my glow-up list. You know, it’s just exhausting, and I feel like it’s just an addition to my responsibilities. Ha-ha hilarious. Btw, I’m also planning to get my tan this summer ☀. Ahhhhhhhkk

What is up with your life right now? Everything’s going well? Is 2020 treating you great? Share that with me, I’ll listen, and let’s have some coffee virtually.

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