18 and the Anxiety of growing up.


I’ll be 18 in just days !
* play Ribs by Lorde *

This is supposed to be a birthday wishlist blog post, but I just thought that I have a lot of things included in my list. So I’d just write something different.

You might be thinking that I just made this blog post today, but it’s not. I wrote it a little earlier, as soon as I got the idea. Ahaha.

When I was a kid, I was honestly not frightened about growing up, I wasn’t desperate to grow up either.
But now that I’m here, and time seems fleeting, I just realized that being grown-up means getting a lot of responsibilities. Especially, the responsibilities that you have to take for yourself.
I am kinda ambitious, and one of my greatest fears is to end up nothing in life.

Chasing life, I found new things that I loved and still love : art, writing, advocating. And even some things I can’t mention in here.

Last year, I just started writing my first novel, and it’s something that I always talk about. I’m still working on it, because I promised that I won’t give up on it.
But there’s this little fear inside me that I may not finish what I’ve started. Or what if no agent would believe and hold on to my ideas. What if publishing companies would not like the storyline?
There’s a lot of questions I can form in my head honestly.

Being 18, means starting college too. But the question is: do I yet know where school to go? No.
Am I already decided with the course I wanna take? No.
And this blog!
With that facts alone, you can already tell how anxious I possibly am.
How worried I am with my future.

I am the kind of person who’s working according to the plans. But if I’ll tell you, my plans aren’t made yet.

But on the bright side of life, I’m still looking for whatever thing it is that I can do for my life. At the end, I don’t know the path in front of me, so I just have to keep going.
Even if there are questions, worries, fears, demotivating moments. Whatever it is.

° ° ° ° ° °

But again, I have created a newsletter which I’m hoping to be successful.

I got 2 new subscribers when I linked it on my last blog. I’m thankful for them.

I’d also be so so happy if you will add your emails too. If you’re not yet subscribed, here’s the link :

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